i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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