We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My pussy is not your playground.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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