So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
