Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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