My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
