exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
