Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
