so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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