I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
