I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
