he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize