if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
