Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
