Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
