He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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