grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
