Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
