He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize