ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
