You're a womanizer and a bitch.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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