So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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