every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
