I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
