when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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