You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
