I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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