she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
