So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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