We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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