i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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