I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
