let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
honey bunches of taint.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
