i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
