What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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