can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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