Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
