Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
