I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
