Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
