Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
