I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
