I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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