It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
