just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
