looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
