Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
