there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
