just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
