Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
