I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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