this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
