I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
