well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
