She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
