when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
