I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
