I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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