You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
