Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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