Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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