My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
