I heard we made out
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize