When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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