so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
