I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
